Phoebe & John

Category: Couples

  • A guide for first time swingers

    So, you have decided that you want to go to a swingers club or party, but you don’t know what to expect, how to prepare, and what to do when you get there!

    That’s ok – we are here to help. This is our step by step guide for you to having a good first experience:

    1. Do you have a solid relationship? – If the answer to this isn’t a solid “yes” then we strongly suggest that you don’t try swinging until you do. If your relationship isn’t in good shape then a swingers party will make it worse not better! You need to do the work on yourselves so that you have a good time and you don’t bring the problems of your relationship into the space
    2. Make sure that you are both on the same page – do you both want to do this? One of the biggest problems that hetro couples have with swinging is that the man really wants to do it, but the woman is hesitant, or very nervous, or just doesn’t want to. So communication is key! You need to have honest discussions and if your partner isn’t comfortable then it’s best that you just don’t do it. Swinging isn’t for everyone. Accepting that fact matters because you want to protect your relationship first and foremost
    3. Negotiate boundaries – this is crucial! What are you comfortable doing? What are you comfortable with your partner doing? What are your hard limits? Are you happy for your partner to kiss another person? Are you happy for them to play together and have sex? Do you want to play with other people together? Do you want to just play with your partner, but watch and be watched? there is no right or wrong here – this is simply a case of deciding what works for the two of you. Things to consider: you don’t have to dive right in the first time, you can just go to see what it’s like, perhaps play with each other, but not with anyone else
    4. Stick to your agreed boundaries – If you decided that you are not going to have sex with other people then you must stick to that agreement. Renegotiating boundaries when you are at a party or a club is a bad idea. A partner can feel pressured and unable to speak freely or say what they actually feel. Please don’t do it – just accept the compliment that someone wanted to play with you and perhaps you can agree on new boundaries for next time
    5. What to wear – Phoebe wrote a post about this recently, you can see it here: How to dress for an event. The bottom line though is: wear what makes you comfortable!
    6. Find a newbies event – most clubs will host nights that specifically cater to people who aren’t very experienced. They can be a good way to learn about the swinging scene in a low expectation environment where no one is going to feel like they are the only ones who don’t know what it’s all about and are trying to find their feet
    7. Consent – in this day and age, you MUST respect consent. If you want to play with someone, it’s ok to ask them, but if they don’t give you full, enthusiastic consent, then the answer is “no”. Even if they do say “yes” then you must accept that it could change to no at any time, even if you are playing. Anyone has the right to withdraw consent at any time, so check in regularly with your partner and anyone you are playing with. Consent is sexy
    8. Don’t get drunk – it shouldn’t need to be said, but still: don’t get drunk. A drink or two doesn’t hurt most people, but getting drunk will get you thrown out and probably banned. Don’t get drunk
    9. Women are the key to a good experience – this is probably the single most important thing to remember. In swinger spaces allow the woman to choose and if she isn’t comfortable, or says no, then you need to accept and support that. Trying to “convince” your partner to play with someone will never work out, may ruin the night, and might mean you never do it again
    10. Talk to people – if you want to create opportunities to play then you need to get to know people. So talk to people at the bar, or lounge, or whatever non-play spaces the party has and that then opens the door for requests and invitations and becoming part of the community
    11. Be respectful – if people are playing, don’t interrupt their scene. Let them play, then perhaps strike up a conversation with them later. If someone says “no” to you, just say “ok, thank you any anyway”. Don’t touch anyone without their consent
    12. It’s the mans responsibility to ensure that condoms are always used – a woman can’t always know that a man she is having sex with puts on a condom. So it’s her partner’s job to watch for that and ensure her safety
    13. The best way to have a good night – this is actually pretty simple: go to the club with a plan to have fun with your partner. If you do that then you aren’t going home disappointed because you both had fun together at the very least. You may also find that if you are having fun with your partner that other people will want to get to know you and might invite you to play with them. People love watching and if you had fun with your partner then people will often use that as an opportunity to introduce themselves and get to know you. “Oh we saw you up stairs before – you looked great! Thanks for letting us watch.” This is very common and a great way to break the ice
    14. When to go home – you don’t need to stay all night, if you are new to swinging then it’s ok to go along for two or three hours and just see if you like the vibe. Alternately – staying to the end can be quite fun, because as the night goes on people relax and chill out and it can be easier to connect with and chat with other people. In the end it depends on how you are feeling, so talk with your partner and when one of you is ready to go home it’s best to call it a night. What you don’t want to do is pressure your partner into staying and turn a previously good night into a drag or worse for them

    If you follow this guide, then you will avoid the majority of potential problems when attending a swingers event.

    Lastly – if you would like to attend a swingers party, but don’t want to go alone, then drop us a line, we’d be happy to go with you and show you the ropes! 

    John & Phoebe

  • How to dress for an event

    I have been to so many events with a dress code and would consider myself quite good at it. Dressing for a fetish or sex style party comes with an added challenge.

    First of all I always check with the promoter about what has to be covered. If it’s a sex on premises event there are likely limited restrictions although a lot of events like genitals covered at the bar so a coat or gown to throw over your body is always a good option.

    For women. Lingerie is always a winner and doesn’t need to be expensive. It just has to fit well and make you feel confortable. I cannot stress this enough, you will be happier in clothing that makes you feel comfortable. If you don’t like the look of your outfit when you’re home you will struggle out in public. You don’t have to show a lot of flesh to be sexy, men love mystery. So if you are happier in a neck to floor outfit wear that but make it a little see through. If you’re tummy makes you unhappy then cover it up and wear a bra that shows off your tits. Illusion is half of the game.

    I’m a nudist so I don’t mind showing my body. I like to wear sexy Lingerie. I love hats and accessories and can recommend these for any party. Earings, collars and cuffs are also great accessories. I always bring a Lingerie gown with me to wear over my outfit because it is good to wear if I need to go into a clothed area and also means I can be a bit more covered up at the beginning of the night when I’m not feeling as comfortable and relaxed. 

    I usually try to lean into a theme because it is a good way to feel comfortable and gives you an easy talking point when you first engage with people. You don’t have to work too hard on a theme, one targeted accessory with your Lingerie will be enough. Obviously fully leaning into a theme is ideal, but not all themes suit your taste or personality. My point is a cowboy hat with Lingerie will make you a cowgirl. Following the theme is a really easy way to fit in when you arrive at a venue even if you feel a little weird in front of the mirror. 

    You can always go for more extreme outfits like harnesses, corsets and crutch less undies, but these all suggest things that might not represent your sexual vibe and you might not find them comfortableas the night goes on. Latex is very sexy but if the venue is warm you will dripping sweat very quickly it also requires a lot of ongoing care and maintenance. Leather is always a winner whether it’s an accent or a feature.
    I am a big fan on stockings, stay ups and suspenders are equally sexy. Pro tip Expensive stockings look amazing but they ladder the same as the cheap ones. I often buy cheap tights, cut the top off and attach them to a suspender belt. No one can tell the difference. 

    For men. Yet again wear what makes you comfortable. Try and accessorise or match your partner in some way. So if your partner has a red dress consider a red tie or braces. Men who look like they are loved do better at sex based parties.

    Don’t wear clothes that gay men prefer unless you’re bi, this sends out confusing messages to everyone and is easily avoided. So tight leather shorts and harnesses I would avoid if you’re heterosexual. 

    Kilts are always a winner, they are masculine and women find them sexy, they are a big hit. Kilts also have pockets and are acceptable wear at all fetish/sex parties. 

    Leather trousers are good too but can be hot. Accessories like ties, hats, braces and interesting socks can work for you.
    On the top a plain black singlet, tshirt or collared shirt or nothing. You can also opt for a tshirt with a fetish a fetish/ sexy slogan like ” Ouch is not a safe word” or “consent is sexy”. 

    For later in the evening when you are stripped back make sure you have new or near new undies on preferably in a cut that works for you. It’s good if these still match your chosen accessories. 

    Pheobe xxx

  • What sort of things can a couple do with us?

    You can do all sorts of things with us! We saw a couple recently for an evening of fun and I thought that describing that experience might be better than a dry list of acts!

    John – We met up with a couple (Nathan and Helana) a few weeks ago for an evening of play. It started out with drinks and snacks – which I had some fun with, I rather like cooking, so I made up a selection of finger food and antipasto to go with a nice white wine.

    They chose to come and visit us rather than meet at a hotel. I have a nice place in the country outside of Sydney, it’s private and spacious and great for an evening of fun.

    When they arrived we spent some time chatting, eating, and having a drink. Then set up a play space in the lounge room. A king size mattress with couches around it which allowed for play, watching, rest, and more play!

    Things got steamy pretty quickly with some partner swapping and oral sex. N and I took turns giving Phoebe and Helena oral before the women turned it around and worked to get us both hard and ready for some sex.

    I started with Phoebe as Nathan and Helena wanted to watch us together while they had sex. We love showing off for an audience, so that was fun watching them watching us.

    When Helena and Nathan were ready we swapped partners and continued the fun of watching each other fucking.

    Helena wanted to experience double vaginal penetration, so Nathan and I obliged her, Helena climbed on me then Nathan added his cock from behind. It was a tight fit and required lots of lube and some patience, but Helena managed both of us together for some slow deep sex. It was also pretty intense and gave me my first orgasm of the night

    After a break and refreshments Helena pulled out her vibrator and asked me to fuck her while she used it reach orgasm. While we were doing that Phoebe reclined on the couch to watch while Nathan went down on her.

    Helena reached her (quite vocal) climax then we all ended up in a cuddle puddle together just relaxing, touching, kissing, and playing gently when it felt right.

    That was the end of the night and we all retired to bed, Nathan and Helena took the guest room and we all said goodnight

    Everyone woke up refreshed the next morning. Nathan and I made coffee and tea and brought it back to bed for Phoebe and Helena. After refreshments we all piled into our bed and swapped partners for some slow one on one sex .

    We finished our date with a nice slow breakfast. Everyone stated in every way and relaxed. Nathan and Helena headed off after breakfast with thanks and a promise to book again soon.

    John